for you to keep up and I hurt you, the you I know and love, the you
who was sorry, the you who cares, but I couldn't stop myself because
somehow I felt betrayed and alone. I still don't know for sure if you
care or not and to what extent and this is no apology since I don't
know what I want from you and you already apologized beforehand. I'm
fully aware that this is going to sound cruel , but I guess I wanted
to hear you suffer even though I would never wish to see you sad and
I'd do anything to prevent it...but it's just so hard sometimes to
keep track because I fall into the equation and I hate suffering so
much as well and I don't want to end up crying even though I already
did for putting on that stupid show with you. I just realised I could
talk to no one else about it but you and I had just thrown you away in
an ego fit. Sad, isn't it? Ironic really and that choking feeling I'm
getting again because I miss you and that's the truth.
His response:
i know u wanted to make me suffer and i know that in ur deep little black heart u want to feel that u are on top of me, that u are the only one who can reach those emotinons, deeply embeded im my soul, emotions that are never shown upfront to anyone... but u. the fact that i didnt do smth that i promised made u suffer, so u wanted me to suffer too, u wanted to return the favor and ur big ego wanted to hear me feel remorse and sadness. u wanted to make sure and on top of that u wanted to hear me saying that im sorry. and not just hearing it, but wanted to make sure that i meant it. u sure did that, and i have fallen for that one but it has passed... i was sure that crying was the next thing u would do... but i couldnt do a thing to prevent that, i did try though... wasnt enough i see... we`ll talk tomorrow, and this is quite nothing but i still dont like and feel rested upton this little ego war... its quite damaging for both of us... u felt replaced... that is the real thing u worried about, inside... but i want to make sure that it is not the case here... and u know that very well... u just have to be sure of it.... but because i rarely show my emotions u just couldnt know :)
ego god has replied :d
